By GENTLE THUG PRODUCTIONS
“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says
or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.”
- Marcus Aurelius
“Whatever your passion is, keep doing it.
Don't waste time chasing after success or comparing yourself to others. Every
flower blooms at a different pace. Excel at doing what your passion is and only
focus on perfecting it. Eventually people will see what you are great at doing,
and if you are truly great, success will come chasing after you.”
-
Suzy Kassem
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Y
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our friend calls you on
your cellphone, barely able to speak. She’s beyond ecstatic, and you’re the
first person to hear her fabulous news.
“My film’s been chosen to
be shown at the Sundance Film Festival! I just got notified 15 minutes ago! Is
that wild, or what?”
“Wow,” you exclaim, barely
concealing your seething animosity and jealousy, “how wonderful for you!”
Of course, your
film wasn’t chosen to be shown by those fine folks who run the Sundance
Film Festival, even though you considered it to be ten times better than
your friend’s.
Actually, when you think more
about it, your film was twenty times better than your friend’s.
You’re now seriously thinking
about giving up filmmaking completely. Your friend’s success has shattered your
belief in yourself. and you feel that listening to your inner voice after all
these years and finally doing your creative work was a huge mistake that has led
you nowhere.
Stop it. Stop it right now.
Comparing yourself to
others is a losing game that only ends in frustration, anger, envy, a sense of
futility, and/or substance abuse.
You don’t want any
of those things in your creative life, do you?
Do you?
Look at it this way:
There’ll always be someone with artistic styles and creative abilities who’s
distinctly different from you.
Different—not better.
Comparing ourselves to
others is a hierarchical thing—who’s on top? Who’s on the bottom? What
can I do to make it to the next highest rung on the ladder? Who’s a rung ahead
of me?
We never ask ourselves
where that ladder of comparison is leading us.
It’s all about our egos
(see the next chapter on those wonderful things called egos—they deserve
a special word or two) and how we may feel the need to continually feed them by
trying to be better than—or, at the very least, equal to—everyone else.
By contrast, the creative
process needs to be viewed as a communal process—we learn from one
another, our creativity is inspired by one another, and if someone attains
something that we’d like to eventually attain for ourselves, that only proves
that our goals are possible.
Comparing ourselves to
others (and competing with them) has a long, flawed history in our lives—from
early school memories of striving for the best grades, the funkiest hairstyles,
and/or the cutest boy or girl in class, to more “adult” pursuits of striving
for the next promotion at work, the second house in the Hamptons, and/or the
cutest man or woman in the bar—which can lead us on the fruitless journey of
having to better ourselves for the sake of keeping up with (or surpassing) the
Joneses. Or the Smiths. Or the Kardashians. Or whoever else lives across the
street from us (or resides in our own creative universes).
So, how do we stop this
madness?
Joshua Becker, author of
the bestselling book The More of Less, provides us with some handy-dandy
ideas and methods to help us overcome the urge to compare ourselves and our
work with others:
Become
intimately aware of your own successes.
Whether
you are a writer, musician, doctor, landscaper, mother, or student, you have a
unique perspective backed by unique experiences and unique gifts. You have the
capacity to love, serve, and contribute. You have everything you need to
accomplish good in your little section of the world. With that opportunity
squarely in front of you, become intimately aware of your past successes. And
find motivation in them to pursue more.
Pursue
the greater things in life.
Some
of the greatest treasures in this world are hidden from sight: love, humility,
empathy, selflessness, generosity. Among these higher pursuits, there is no
measurement. Desire them above everything else and remove yourself entirely
from society’s definition of success.
Compete
less. Appreciate more.
There
may be times when competition is appropriate, but life is not one of them. We
have all been thrown together at this exact moment on this exact planet. And
the sooner we stop competing against others to “win,” the faster we can start
working together to figure it out. The first and most important step in
overcoming the habit of competition is to routinely appreciate and compliment
the contribution of others.
Gratitude,
gratitude, gratitude.
Gratitude
always forces us to recognize the good things we already have in our world.
Remind
yourself nobody is perfect.
While
focusing on the negatives is rarely as helpful as focusing on the positives,
there is important space to be found remembering that nobody is perfect and
nobody is living a painless life. Triumph requires an obstacle to be overcome.
And everybody is suffering through their own, whether you are close enough to
know it or not.
Take a
walk.
Next
time you find yourself comparing yourself to others, get up and change your
surroundings. Go for a walk—even if only to the other side of the room. Allow
the change in your surroundings to prompt change in your thinking.
Find inspiration
without comparison.
Comparing
our lives with others is foolish. But finding inspiration and learning from
others is entirely wise. Work hard to learn the difference.
Humbly
ask questions of the people you admire or read biographies as inspiration. But
if comparison is a consistent tendency in your life, notice which attitudes
prompt positive change and which result in negative influence.
If you
need to compare, compare with yourself.
We
ought to strive to be the best possible versions of ourselves—not only for our
own selves, but for the benefit and contribution we can offer to others. Work
hard to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Commit
to growing a little bit each day. And learn to celebrate the little
advancements you are making without comparing them to others.
In the end, comparison
only leads to compromise—don’t put yourself or your creativity into a
compromising position by comparing either one to others.
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